Attenborough enters the Reaper's danger zone
The desk claims the opening impression is 98-year-old David Attenborough, then warns Andy that naming a person over ninety is risky because he is the Reaper and the Queen of England was enough.
THE UNOFFICIALFOOTBALLERSFAN ARCHIVE↗Transcript links use the exact YouTube video’s clock. Machine transcripts can contain errors.
The desk claims the opening impression is 98-year-old David Attenborough, then warns Andy that naming a person over ninety is risky because he is the Reaper and the Queen of England was enough.
Matt spends about a month putting an I LOVE PRIUS message beneath Jason's mug and only half-filling it so Jason tips the message toward camera. Jason praises the monstrous hire while mock-firing him; the Deucers protect the secret, and Papa Josh absorbs weeks on Jason's mute list after a vague tweet before the audience finally exposes the gag.
Drafting between Mike and Andy makes Jason the sandwich meat and bottom slice. Repeated snipes make him ask to become bread, produce a blood panel rich in loaves and Hawaiian rolls, and culminate in the verdict that the complaining protein has become meat gone bad.
When Trey McBride lands on Mike's mock roster, the hosts call out a newly received signed McBride jersey on the back wall, describe it as glorious and beaming, and thank Mr. Hoffman for sending it.
Reminded that he danced around Kyler in the prior mock, Mike again gambles for the sake of the show, takes Najee Harris, and watches Kyler disappear for a second straight draft. The desk tells him to learn from his mistakes and reduces the result to not wanting Kyler more than the running back he chose.
After the final roster recaps and Mike's description of Dak as his grudge-holding quarterback, the episode ends the live mock with the vocal cue 'Mocka-laca ding-dong.'
Complete review of the published video and targeted second-by-second frames shows Mike, Jason, and Andy as the only people at the main desk: Mike is left in a green T-shirt and dark patterned cap, Jason is center in a black shirt, black cap, and glasses, and Andy is right in a black shirt and white cap. The opening UDK promo gives way to the standard montage, whose black bear is generic footage and whose WITH THE DUCERS portraits are a produced branding card rather than live appearances. The episode's main payoff is a month-long crew prank. Matt, explicitly called the newest team member and the Falcon, had been placing an I LOVE PRIUS message on the bottom of Jason's Fantasy Footballers mug and filling it only halfway so Jason would tip it toward the camera. Live cuts show a three-human Deucers Alley, including Matt at the left workstation, but this episode never gives the message a legible close-up or visibly demonstrates the half-fill mechanism. Jason calls Matt a monster, praises the hire, mock-announces a job opening, and learns that the gag began about a month earlier. All the Deucers were reportedly involved; Papa Josh preserved the secret with a vague tweet, endured several weeks muted by Jason, and was only recently unmuted. The mock draft then uses a directly published full-screen MOCK DRAFT bumper and a persistent lower-third draft board. Drafting between Mike and Andy makes Jason the sandwich's protein, then its bottom slice, carb-rich bread with Hawaiian rolls in his blood, and finally meat that has gone bad after three desired players are sniped. A framed red McBride No. 85 jersey is directly visible on the studio wall; the hosts identify it as a signed Trey McBride gift and thank Mr. Hoffman. Mike revisits his prior Kyler Murray waiting game, drafts Najee Harris while gambling that Kyler will return, loses Kyler for a second straight mock, and is left with the lesson that he did not want the quarterback more than the running back. All proposed bread, blood-panel, table-flip, and quarterback-card imagery remains spoken rather than shown. The final board receives a full-screen display before the desk closes with 'Mocka-laca ding-dong.'
Unless one has an affinity for looking ridiculously foolish, it is wise not to stumble aimlessly into a fantasy football draft. The ultimate draft kit from the fantasy footballers contains all the information you need to avoid the jeers of your enemies and to snuff out any glint of hope in their souls. Imagine the gasps those trouser-wearing turnips will emit as you make yet another triumphant draft selection. Imagine their tears forming a formidable puddle as you assemble an unstoppable force. The Ultimate Draft Kit comes bursting at the seams with fantasy goodness. When you enter the draft room, you'll feel as if you were a monstrous beast let loose in a chicken coop. Head over to Ultimate DraftKit.com today. To the Fantasy Footballers podcast with your host, Andy Holloway, Jason Moore.
and Mike Wright. Welcome in. The fantasy footballers podcast Tuesday, June 4th. No, that wasn't Adam Thielen that did the intro. Nice. Try. That was a 98-year-old David Attenborough who's doing just fine. That's, um, I think he's still working too. Oh, I mean, obviously. Clearly. Yeah, clearly. Because it was, it was definitely him. Definitely sure. That was him. I sounded just like him. And I'm, I'm a little sad that you named him. Yeah. As the, as the, as the Reaper yourself. I feel like, you got to be careful with your power here. I think if I, I think anybody messing around with 90 plus year olds has got to be careful. Well, sure. I think that's the risk factor. I'm just saying the Queen of England was enough. Okay. Uh, yeah. Yeah. No, that didn't go well. Um.
Mock draft episode today. Happy to have you back with us. Hopefully enjoyed our bonus episode of the show that came out on Saturday. Now, I enjoyed that. I enjoyed doing a surprise episode for the Foot Clan. We love you. This show is all about you, your team, helping you get better, helping you win at your draft. That's what the UDK is all about. Yada, yada, yada. But there was a one exceptionally negative. Awesome. byproduct of Saturday's episode. Oh, I had no idea where we were going. I knew. I knew where he was. Okay. And what happened on Saturday was, unfortunately, after many months, the jig was up. It's really, it had, it's fortunate because it has to happen. It has to happen for the joke to complete. So.
For those, and many of you have no idea what we're talking about. Well, so far no one has any. But Jason Moore for many, many months, has been sipping his beverage of choice from a fantasy footballer's mug here at the table. And what he didn't know is that for many, many weeks, there was a little sign on the bottom of the, on the bottom of the mug. Yeah. And if we look over in Ducers Alley. Yeah. Smirky little falcon over there. Newest member of the team, Matt, had been sneaking a little I love Prius message on the bottom of his mugs and then deviously only halfway filling your mug. I literally criticized him a couple weeks ago because he's, you know, he, he offered. He was like, hey, I want to fill your guys. He gets the set ready for us. He wants to, yeah, gets a set. I want to get, you know, what do you want to drink today? And, and I.
You know, this seemed altruistic and like, oh, he was, he was just being so kind. It was great. He filled my water up. No, no, no. No, he didn't want to, he didn't want to get our drinks. He wanted to punk me and make sure that my drink had the right mug that said, I love Prius. And then only fill it up halfway so that I had to tip it more to drink. So the camera, so the camera could see the sign. You are a monster for two different reasons. And I am very. Very proud of you. I know that we made a good hire. But for everyone listening, there will be a new job opening up real soon. So pack your things. How long did it happen? Matt, like, when did it start? Do you have any idea? About a month ago. Okay. The worst part is like he did start asking all of us if we wanted to have our drinks filled up because, you know.
Just being kind about it, wanting to have our drinks filled up. And we didn't know. Me and Mike didn't know. Oh, I did not. And the deucers are in on this thing. And I'm like, I thought it was all altruistic. And I'm like, this is very nice. My drink is filled up. Like Josh. And I found out this. I'm just a byproduct of the gag. Which is fine. It was, it was fantastic. I got cold water. Josh caught strays because. Most things are his fault. He, well, no. Oh, because he Vig tweeted. about he he tweeted some garbage bull crap of like when people finally find out or something yeah and you're not a fan of the vague tweet one of my top pop pop pepies pot pepice uh pet peeves uh pet peeves is is posting vague message on social media i hate it hate it so much to the point where i'm like josh what is this garbage and then
He's got the joke going, I don't know about it. And I'm like, okay, Josh, you're muted. And John, I had muted Papa Josh on Twitter for several weeks. I just recently unmuted him. So, like, he caught that one. But he stood firm for the joke for the deucers. And people have noticed they posted YouTube comments, and Jason just hasn't caught him. And he finally caught him. I finally got one of them. And you're a beautiful person who ever posted that. So there you go. That was some fun from the weekend. Let's jump into some news. News and notes from around the league.
Now, to be clear, you're not a Prius fan? Oh, man. No. Not at all. Because that's not what we thought. Yeah, they're the worst drivers on the planet. Okay. Justin Jefferson has agreed to a four-year extension with the Vikings worth $140 million. I believe $110 million of it. Guaranteed. Yep. That gives him an average annual salary of $35 million. He went on Instagram, shared a really nice video. I did laugh a little because, yeah, and this is just business in football, but, like, the video's like, man, you know, I'm back for the next five years. I did you hear that? It was like, oh, yeah, that's not a long time. Yeah. It is, but it isn't, you know? I chuckled a little bit at the video, too, because it's like this heartwarming PR thing, which, like, it was nice. They don't all do it. There's an aspect of it, like, it's nice, you know, the fans, the Minnesota fans, which I, several Minnesota fans on my timeline, you're like,
We did, like, thank goodness because there was, I think there was some growing unrest of like, are we seriously going to trade Justin Jefferson? Is this going to happen? But they paid him. But like, the video is also, I'm like, I'm watching this video. I'm like, sir, you're just, you're just shoving it in my face that you're making $35 million a year. It was cute. It was good guy. Hey, get paid young man. Get paid. Oh, outstanding. Yeah. I mean, he, uh, he deserves it. He's so good. Kyle Saden, you know, reminding us that he's our number one dynasty startup player. Yep. And was before the extension. So this is definitely nice to see him secured, most receiving yards per game in the history of the National Football League thus far. I mean, quite the average, 98.3 a game. So we've had the long discussions about rookie quarterbacks. It could be darnled for a little while and then McCarthy, but.
Your confidence level on Jefferson. Yeah, it's very high. I mean, we already knew he was going to get paid. He's going to be great. Andy, you published a new article today. Yeah. Yeah, it went out today. And it was the research that we talked about on the show about how do rookie quarterbacks perform both for themselves or for their wide receivers or their pass catchers. And about halfway through reading that article, I was like, Yeah, Justice Jefferson's going to be fine. Because in that, in that, it was like very negative for most of the wide receiving options. But there were some outliers that hit and hit hard. And those outliers were basically Hall of Famers. You know, it's like Reggie Wayne, totally fine. If you're, if you, you know, AJ, uh, AJ, uh, AJ was like great. Well, yeah, these are awesome tier one, you know, top five guys in the NFL when they're playing. Yeah, those guys are great. And so it's like Justin Jefferson's going to be fine.
And then now we have a follow-up report, which I've been expecting this follow-up report after every deal has been signed this off season. But the Cowboys and C.D. Lamb are expected to speed up contract negotiations from, that's from CBS Sports, Justina Anderson, after the deal. So they're, you know, Cowboys are just, Cowboys are special. They like to wait and pay more. Do you think CD, do you think Citi wanted to wait? Like, he may have, because I, I think. Look, CD Lamb's not going to get a contract like Justin Jefferson because he doesn't, I don't think he will. He doesn't have the- He'll get paid a ton of money. He'll probably have the second highest wide receiver contract. I agree with that. But it's like Jefferson is better than all of y'all. He should make more money. Bigger, longer track record. But because of how much Jefferson got in this contract, I think-
I think CD million or CD millions. CD millions. Oh man. You're not going to be wrong there. There you go. Wait for it. I think CD Lamb made millions more because this contract happened. CD millions is on the way. I won't be shocked if he gets paid more. If he becomes the highest. Oh, man. I don't think that that is what's going to happen. It's certainly not what should happen. But. I'll predict less total value similar guarantee. Sure. Yeah. That makes sense. And Jamar Chase is out there as well. He wants to get paid. Yep. As they all do. And as they should. You got to get your money when you can. Yep. Darren Waller expected to announce his retirement. I think we've reported that several times. Yeah, this is a baker's dozen. Now, please tell me this is his retirement from singing.
I think he's going into singing full time. So congratulations to the world. Dang it. And, you know, we know auto tune is not going to be going out of business. And then Anthony Richardson came out, talked about his shoulder at 95%. I think that's great personally. We're at the beginning of June to be feeling like you're at 95% before training camp. I guess there was part of me that was like this injury happened so early in the season last year that I would have liked to have heard. I feel 100% right now. But that, I mean. I don't want to think about it. It was a major, major injury to his throwing arm. So if he's here, I'll take it. So at 95% Jason, does that put more of an inkling of like maybe he doesn't run as much in your head? No, I don't think so. I believe they're going to utilize him the way he needs to be utilized to capitalize on the success. They drafted him number, what, three overall? And you don't do that to not use his mobility. Yeah.
Oh, fourth overall, Jay. Fourth, my... Now you draft him to not use it. Deepest apology. All right. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back with a... I think we're all drafting separate teams. We are. Yeah, so we'll have a mock draft. And no report... Darren Waller has yet to retire still? I do have a report here that the Giants are expecting him to retire. Again? Yeah. Okay. It just hit the wire. If he retires, do you have any... interest in Daniel Bellinger. We have a team that has now with Malik Neighbors 1 receiving option. No. He had such a good rookie year before they made the transaction. Not that good. For a mid-round rookie, he surprised and looked like he could evolve into a career. Then the Giants said, no, we're going to go get Darren Waller. And then they drafted another title this year when they were expecting Waller to leave. I don't think that they view Bellinger as the guy. Okay.
Let's do it. The fantasy footballers mock draft. Well, here we go. Mike and I had a mock draft a couple weeks ago, just he and I. And today all three of us will be giving it a go, hopefully learning from our mistakes, figuring out how things lie. It was a random draw of draft spots. We're doing a 12-team, half-PPR draft. Mike is at the five. Jason, you're sitting at eight. And I'm sitting at 10. And my first reaction to 10 is I'm not sure I'm going to like this. But I'm curious to see how it goes. Yeah, it'll be interesting. I don't love being the meat of this sandwich because I get to get sniped on both directions. But, you know, someone's got to be in the middle. Uh-huh. Someone's got to be the meat. Yeah. So can I opt out of the sandwich?
Do I have to be a part of it? Yeah, you're the, you're open faced. No, no, that's only on a head to head. Uh, right now it looks like you're the bottom. Oh, man. What? Why am I the bottom? What is it happening? Mike's at the top of the round. Oh, is that how that works? It's just, it's just math. Christopher. It was the 101. Christian McCaffrey goes 101, followed by CD Lamb in this draft. Jamar Chase goes 103, Tyreek at 104 and, and, uh, Mike, you're on the clock. I don't mind that start at all. And so I'm on the clock. And the decision here would then be Justin Jefferson, just believing. Andy has the article. He can check it out. But there still is a little bit of, I'm just going to believe everything will be okay for Justin Jefferson because he is that good. While his quarterback play could be, it could be really bad.
this year. It's in the range of outcomes. If I'm looking at a running back, it's Brees Hall or Jay, you might be, you probably haven't heard this because this one just came out. Bejohn Robinson back at OTAs and at the podium was saying his role in the Falcons offense will be similar to how the 49ers use Christian McCaffer. What? I hadn't heard that. Yeah. So Kyle just shared that with us. And that's what Antonio Gibson said in Washington. No, no, no. No, that was his coach said he reminded him of Christian McCaffrey. But if, if Bejohn really does get CMC usage, then holy crap. You should not draft it right here, Mike. It's if that actually happens, it would be incredible. But at the top here, I'm just going to believe everything's going to be okay for Justin Jefferson. Wow.
If you're watching, by the way, on YouTube, you can see the draft board live. I'm going to run it through every round. But Jefferson went to Mike. A.J. Brown went at 106. So five of the first six picks wide receivers in this one. Half point PPR, 12 team. Bijon goes at 107. Stupid team seven. They just heard the news from the press conference that Bijon's going to be awesome. Yeah, why did you have to say that? Mike took Justice Jefferson. I just want to clarify when I was saying that Justice Jefferson's going to be fine. What I mean by that is like a top 10 guy. I don't think he's going to be a top five because of touchdowns. That is the one thing that will be lacking. He'll have 1,500 plus yards. He'll get near 100 receptions. He's still number three for me. Really? Yeah. We've never seen a double digit touchdown season produced by a rookie quarterback. Ever. Yeah.
Yeah, right now, at least in the sample. Justice Jefferson's my, my six. So, I mean, he's still up there. He's fine. I'm on the clock here. I wanted, uh, I definitely wanted Bejohn Robinson. And then the other options are Amman Rae St. Brown or Brees Hall. Those are the only two guys I'm considering here at this spot. And look, I'm going to take the guys I love. I love, uh, Brees. Loved them since college. Uh, I would have gone Bijon over Brees, but I'll take the consolation price. Yeah, and I'm not unhappy. You guys went Jefferson and Brees. Amin Ra went right after Brees Hall. And I had eliminated it to three names, Brees Hall, Amonara, St. Brown, and Jemir Gibbs. So Jemir Gibbs at the 110. I feel great about it. I'm going to be a quick pick in the second round. So I'll take Gibbs in the first. Garrett Wilson. I know more buzz around camp and that connection with Aaron Rogers. So we can repeat that from last year.
Jonathan Taylor goes at 112 swinging into the second. We see Marvin Harrison. Your reaction to seeing Harrison going first pick in the second round. You know, that's where you're going to have to take him if you want him. Unlike, you know, the rookie quarterbacks that have not necessarily supported their wide receiver ones. Great. When a wide receiver one comes in and has an established quarterback, oftentimes they're great. You know, that was where Jamar Chase was, you know, a top five fantasy option is rookie season. So you can do it. I find myself passing. It's scary. You know, like he went ahead of puka. I would not take him ahead of puka. All right. Puka went right after Harrison, which is going to make this decision a little bit easier for me. Gibbs is going to be, there's been a lot of talk of Gibbs, too. You talk about Bijan's utilization. Jamir Gibbs utilization. They said last year, you know, he caught a lot of passes, but a lot of it was checkdown stuff. This year they're talking about more route design for Jemir Gibbs in the offense as well. So I got the.
you know, a PPR writing back in the first. And I'm going to come back with a guy who had more utilization than almost anybody in football in the second round. And strip him from. No, don't do that. Jason's arms. I'm going to take Kyron. Come on, man. So I'm going to go Gibbs and Kyron Williams with my first two picks here. Drake London goes next. And Jason, a little disappointed. I am very disappointed. Yes. I did want Kyron. And I expect the Karen to get to me. Usually he's been dropping to that spot. Unfortunately, you took him and now I have to root against him. But thankfully there's a mock. So I'm on the clock here. You got at running back... You heard the inside of Jason's head talking right then. Yeah. Like... At running back, you've got Sequin and Devon A. Chan here that you could go to pair with Brees Hall. I feel very confident that Brees is going to be, you know, a weekly great option. So if I wanted to ever take it, Devon A. Chan, it would be...
as my running back too. I don't want him, you know, if I had gone wide receiver Amin Ra on the first round, I wouldn't want Devon A Chan to be my number one. I would take Saquan Barkley here in the second over to Van A Chan. But if he can be my running back two and then go get wide receivers later in the draft, that's a good idea as far as the wide receivers here. I think they're all in a very big tier to me. That's why I took Kyron is because I felt like once Puka went off the board, you have names like Devante Adams and Olavay and Iyuk and Diggs and Collins and Evans and.
They all feel like they're in the same bucket, which is, you know, the way you would describe tiers and tier-based drafting. If you look right now in the ultimate draft kit, that is the end of the tier. Puka is the end of that tier. And, you know, Harrison went a little early from how we have him ranked in our UDK. But he's in the group with Adams, Debo, Oliva, and Evans are all together, and they're all available. So. That makes it more tempting for you to go running back? It does. And really because it's a mock draft and I want to play with fire here, I'm going to take Devon A-chan and pair them with Brees Hall. I'm looking to get guys who can just completely break fantasy. Those two guys have the physical ability. So, Mike, since you are not in the high tea club. That's right. Very low-tee. I've got Gibbs and Kieran. Jason has Hall and A-chan. Which of those pairs do you?
wish you like which would you prefer because we're two picks apart man that's it i think i would go i think i'm going to take the gibbs kairn side because i'm i'm of the uh opinion that kairn doesn't repeat last year but repeats being a truly dominant week week in week out guy yeah i i take the the gibbs and kairn side If I could trade my two for your two straight up, Kyron was who I wanted in the second over age. And my Hall and Gibbs to me, they're so close. They're so, you know, they're not far apart. Gibbs is my number three running back. Maybe that's interesting, though, just in respect to how things are going to fall this offseason where, you know, being at that 10 spot wasn't a death now by any means. It let me pick up a couple of guys. And if you see Hall and Gibbs similarly, then maybe it's more beneficial to be.
couple spots further. A Chan to Jason, Sequin to the Bijon manager, and then Devante Adams off the board. So Mike, you're sitting here with Justin Jefferson in the first round. And what are some names that you're thinking about here? So just overall, the running back this tier, even though a handful of these guys are in my top 10, they're just uninspiring to me. It's Jacobs who I'm out at this ADP. Travis E.T.N. I have a differing opinion. I'm not as bullish on him. I mean, my projections still have him at the number eight running back. But I worry about them repeatedly saying it over and over that they want to ease the workload. He would be the RB9 at this point in the draft. So I guess that's fair than at ADP. But then Henry Pacheco, Rashad White, those are the guys that you're looking at.
I messed around and found out quite a few times. I don't know if you listened to the last box draft. Yes, I loved it. But you wanted Kyler and you. I played a few games in that draft and I lost. So let's see. I got eight picks between my next one, but I'm not going to mess around. I'm going to take Nico Collins here, fresh out the bank. And I think he continues his being the dominant number one for CJ Strath. Not worried that he's going to come to camp. weighed down by the money in his pockets. That is a concern. Well, you're going to be up next, but after Nico Leporta goes in the second round. Now, this is one of the reasons that we have question marks on Leporta. It's not that he's a great tight end that's going to be one of those lynchpin best players on your team and a difference maker in a matchup. It's that he's going 209, 210, 211, right around that range. If he was middle of the third, I think our doubts would start to go down.
He goes at 209 here. Diggs, Ayuk, Jacobs to finish the second round. Olave slips to 301. That seems like a value. E.TN at 302 also feels that way to me. Yeah, that's a fine value there. And then Kelsey goes at 303. I think there will be a lot of nervous Kelsey selections this year. Sure. When you have a powerful name. but a disappointing kind of end of the season that's just tough to combine to, it's tough to pass on guys like Kelsey for a Nico, right? Nico, first big year, big performance. Someone like Kelsey, long track record of winning fantasy leagues. I think those are just some of those name battles people face. Mike Evans goes at 304, and Mike, you're back on the clock with Jefferson and Nico Collins and a number of those running backs you mentioned earlier still sitting there. Yeah, so the.
This worked out because it was pretty wide receiver heavy on the way back sending me some of these running backs. They're still there. At the wide receiver position, I am still quite bullish on Debo. I've moved him down a little bit, but he's still sitting there at wide receiver 12. He was your second round pick last week, I believe. Yeah, so I still love him. He has moved down my rankings a tiny bit, but that's, so that is a hard. pass to start of just my projections, my personal rankings, three of my top 12 wide receivers. That's a very nice start because the scary part is at the running back. It would be Rashad White. And this dude freaks me out. It's like no one's business of can it actually, can it actually happen again? What happened last year? I mean, we have an offensive switch.
that will be happening for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I know the personnel is mostly the same, but will it happen again of in the, like they, Bucky Irving, the rookie out of Oregon, I believe. It's a low draft pick, but he's, if anyone's going to catch passes behind Chase Edmund or behind Rashad White, it's Bucking Irving. So that, that freaks me out a little bit. I feel like, Jason, do you agree that Rashad White's more freaky as in like could get you worried? than ETN in his situation. Oh, yes. He is for me. Yeah, yeah, 100%. I think ETN's just a better football player when it comes down to it. Okay. Mike, what are you going to do? You've got a long wait till the fourth round. You got the king there? Yeah, King Henry is there as well, but Rashad White is higher in my ranks. So is Pacheco. Okay. But I'm going to, with the mom, I'm going to take advantage of the mock, and I'm going to start with three top 12 wide receivers. I'm going to take Debo. You. Oh, no. Jerk.
This is why I didn't want to be the protein. Okay? Let me be the slice of bread. You know I'm carb rich. This is frustrating. Kyron on one side. Carb rich. I'm rich with carbohydrates. Did that, is that come back on your, like, your blood panel? Yes, my carbs were through the root. That's it just said you've got a lot of carbs in your blood. We did find a surprisingly large amount of breadloaves. Red blood cells, that looks good. White blood cells looks good. You didn't find too many Hawaiian rolls in your blood panel. Your bread is off the chart. Sir, we asked you to fast. I did. All right, so Mike's going wild here with the triple whiteouts. Starting zero R.B. Let's find out. Josh Allen goes at 306, and I'm a little bit disappointed there because I was going to be tempted at 310 at Josh Allen with the quick turnaround into the fourth round, but he's gone.