THE UNOFFICIALFOOTBALLERSFAN ARCHIVE↗Transcript links use the exact YouTube video’s clock. Machine transcripts can contain errors.
A host asks for the championship scepter, hears that its weak handle and real ruby are back in a vault with Brooks's eggs, and explains Brooks's office absence through a yacht and a permanently airborne plane. All of this is dialogue fiction or reported backstory; the video shows none of those objects, vehicles, or Brooks.
The final-week matchup marathon is technically a Megalodon, but backup-heavy Week 18 earns only a backup, third-string, Tanner McKee, kitty-cat version of the normal growl.
Jarrett Patterson and Hassan Haskins are named the OG Nasty Boys, and the hosts recall winning a championship with Patterson's legs and Haskins in the lineup despite negligible help from Haskins.
A tight-end injury question opens the fictional GroinIndex.com, which claims to see everyone's groins and assigns Harold Fannin, Mason Tipton, and Cody White the identical quote 'ah, my groin.'
The Justin Jefferson and Brian Thomas disappointment debate points forward to next week's official Poopiest Pants vote during the Footies.
Kyle supplies Matthew Golden's list of first-round rookie receivers without a touchdown, then answers a Titans target-share quiz through off-camera fourth, third, and second-place clues before revealing Alec Ayomanor.
The desk says Wan'Dale Robinson is around Jeremy's height; an unseen Jeremy repeatedly objects, earns 'Good point, Al,' and is reassigned to the supposedly much taller five-foot-nine Andy Isabella.
The hosts call the Cardinals the worst franchise in all sports, condemn nearly every part of the organization, and spare only Trey McBride and Michael Wilson as bright stars in a sea of vomit. The ocean, stars, and vomit are metaphors spoken over ordinary studio coverage, not shown graphics.
Andy posts an in-or-out Mike Tomlin poll for Steelers fans without a view-results option, then learns that every curious non-fan must falsify the vote and that he could delete and repost it.
The visible green Wheel of Shame lands on BIG MOUTH. Mike physically spins it, inserts the clear Mouth Trap cheek retractor, keeps his mouth stretched open through his lineup, visibly drools, reports a saturated beard, and attempts the PrizePicks call to action through the device.
The published video shows exactly the three regular hosts at the desk: Mike on the left, Jason in the center, and Andy on the right. No fourth person, cardboard bear, Jay graphic, Jay theme, or Jay sound cue appears; the opening transcript's apparent 'Jay' is an ASR error in a direct address to Jason, who is visibly answering. Mike enters as the Fantasy Hitman and the year's champion while another host wants to turn the page on a title loss. A requested championship scepter is said to be back in a vault with Brooks's eggs, and Brooks's absence becomes another spoken wealth fantasy involving a yacht and a permanently airborne plane; none of those objects or locations is shown. Week 18 is branded a Mini-Megalodon with a backup, third-string, kitty-cat growl. Jarrett Patterson and Hassan Haskins are recalled as OG Nasty Boys from old title lineups. GroinIndex.com supposedly sees every groin and gives three injured players the same quote. The show previews the annual Poopiest Pants Footie, uses Kyle as an off-camera research and quiz desk, and compares Wan'Dale Robinson's height to Jeremy's until the unseen Al objects. Arizona is called the worst franchise in all sports, with Trey McBride and Michael Wilson as bright stars in a spoken sea-of-vomit metaphor. Andy then posts a Mike Tomlin poll without a view-results option and learns that neutral voters will corrupt it. The closing Fantasy Faceoff is the episode's verified physical payoff: the on-screen Wheel lands on Big Mouth, Mike inserts the clear Mouth Trap cheek retractor, visibly keeps his mouth stretched open, drools into his beard, and attempts the sponsor read.
He's the guy I would want from this game. I don't know that I would really play around with anyone else. What about Jacori Kroski Merritt? Well, I'm on the Eagles side. Okay. Yeah, no, I think, well, the problem with Jacori Kroski Merit is that Chris Rodriguez has been better than him when healthy and last week was an illness. You're about Krod? Krod. Yes, Krod. Krod. Late addition to the nicknames. I mean, I still play J-C-M-over, Chris Rodriguez at this point. I think you have to. but I don't want to play either one of them. Terry McLaurin, if you need to, just give it a shot. Maybe they try to get him a little bit more yardage accumulation on the year, but you're playing with super backups. He still had five catches last week for 63 yards. He's the go-to guy. Sunday night football is the Baltimore Ravens, who are eight and eight, taking on the nine and seven Pittsburgh Steelers for the division. We're hearing word of Lamar Jackson practicing. Baltimore minus three and a half over under a 40.
Classic AFC North. Derek Henry will get the ball 20 plus times in this game. He should. You'll see. Unless the coaches mess it up again. I mean, this feels like the game that everyone's going to say Baltimore will win. Lamar will come back, right? Here's what's going to happen. Because this is how this works for Mike Tomlin. You know where I'm going. Lamar will come back and play. Derek Henry will play. It will seem like Baltimore should win this game. And Pittsburgh will claw out some nasty, ugly win. on the back of Pat Friar Muth and Jono Smith and Kenny Gainwell. They won't give it to Warren enough, Mike. He'll be running great, but they won't give it to him enough. And Mike Tomlin will make the playoffs again, much to Jason's chagrin. Go Baltimore. The nice thing is, is anybody you would play from this matchup, you can play. This is the one matchup, one of a couple, right? San Francisco, Seattle, Baltimore Steelers.
Carolina, Tampa, those games you can play, all the players you would normally play. Do Steelers fans want to win this game? Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, because I know, I know that they are so done with Tomlin. Yeah, I get that. But I think that as much as like, Andy, you're kind of done with the Tomlin thing and you don't really have a horse in the race. I think when you're a Steelers fan, a lot of them are just really worn out with Tomlin and would maybe like them to move on. Very difficult to do that when you make the playoffs.
So it's like their one chance to finally miss the playoffs and maybe move on. I didn't know because no Steelers fan looks at their team and goes, we're going to win the Super Bowl, right? I mean, they're like the team, well, them and then whoever wins between Tampa and Carolina. Those are the two teams where it's like, no real shot. They're going to be in the playoffs and probably won and done, but everyone wants to face them. So I'm going to get you some numbers on the internet on Tomlin. I'm super curious about that, about the Steelers fans out there. Are you?
in on Tomlin because he's a great coach and consistent, gets you to the playoffs, and do you want to keep it going? Or are you out on Tomlin and want a fresh start? Did you put a poll up? Yes, I did. Did you add a third thing for view results? You got to have that one. Because only Steelers fans should be voting. What do you mean view results? Like a third poll option to view results. Because if you're not a Steelers fan, you can't see the results unless you click on one of them. And then you're totally ruining the results. He has no idea what he's doing. You're allowed to delete and repost. In the meantime, I'll tell you, Coach Mike Tomlin about 24 hours ago was talking about T.J. Watt in this game said he'll work him up over the course of the week and let the amount of participation and the quality of participation be our guide. I'm more optimistic than I've been in previous week. So there's a chance for a very important game that they get T.J. Watt back. So just.
Do you guys realize that Zay Flowers, little Zay Flowers sitting here at the wider Cerv 14? No. Oh my no. I did not realize that. That kind of fits with the, who are the two other guys that are sitting right of like 11 and 12? Was it Joanne Jennings? That was one of them. I think our stat was like a couple guys that you're just like, man, these guys just, they show up for the game every week. Yeah. Let's see. So Zay Flowers. I got to fix my scoring format real quick. Yeah, Juan Dale Robinson. is the wider super 13 that's there is the thought that the loser of this game on between the Steelers in Baltimore will be also the that team will lose their head coach yeah possible because I think Ravens fans are growing tired of hardball as well oh I know they are yeah the initial poll results after a little while here is about 6040 out on Mike Tomlin but you know this is a Steelers fan I think he's a great head coach grateful for his time on the team time to move forward
It's not clicking the way it used to. We need a new voice in the locker room. And then Ravens fans, we're out on Harbaugh while we're at it. It's what they said. Yeah, it makes sense. Cardinals, please go get the left. The Harbaugh one is tougher because it's like Pittsburgh has not had a quarterback solution in since Big Ben's like since about three years, third to last year or so. Exactly. I mean, and that, yeah, that's on the team. That's on the GM. That's on the coach. You have. You should have had a plan. You got to figure out a plan. But Baltimore fans, you have Lamar. And if Harbaugh is not getting it done with Lamar, then I can understand being frustrated. All right. It is time for the fantasy face-off for week 18. Fantasy face-off presented by prize picks. So we'll try to be the very tiny, small splinter in Mike's finger while he is swimming in his golden bullion.
I would not be surprised if we spin the wheel and it's like Mike has to do this show again. Wheel of. Yeah, we're not recording. It was a trick. That's the actual wheel of shame. We haven't been recording this podcast. You've got to do week 18 a second time. By yourself. By yourself. Solo. All right. Solo week 18 is the ultimate punishment. Spin the wheel. You can't hurt me no matter what. Shame. My goodness. Oh, big mouth. I do have a big. I do have a big. Oh, yes. Okay. Yes. For those listening at home, Mike is going to have to insert a contraption. Like you get in the dentist's office. You had it right the first time. The big flap goes down. This is the game. This is from the board game. Yeah. So we're going to have to do our best job to.
Yes. Hello. Oh, I wasn't sure if you could read your. All right. I can read. This is a punishment for me. Of course it backfires. Mike has got the ultimate power magic Mike. Mike, start us off with your quarterback. My course is. uh rock hurdy brock birdie two hundred and forty two and a half you're taking uh this is awesome i got more more i'm gonna be drooling oh man uh my green goblin is my quarterback brys young more than 0.5 passing touchdowns okay uh good luck i know that's happening um i'm gonna go with Quinn Ewers. Ewers is about what I'm seeing right now across for me. 188 and a half passing yards. No, my kind of going less. What? Yeah. It was good last week. Sure, yeah. Let's see how he does against the Patriots. What position you're going to read next? Running back. There's so much droll. Did you say running back? Yes, I did. Rico Dada. Oh, you can roll the R's pretty well.
What's it I'm laughing at? Oh, there's so much so I-Hat error. Rico, down 57 and a half rush yards are going on. Okay. More than 57 rushing guards. I'm taking Christian McCaffrey more than 69. My beard is saturated. More than 69 and a half rushing yards for CMC. Well, I'm taking Christian McCaffrey more than 18 and a half rushing attempts. Okay. So. So. Yeah. I mean, super important game. Yep. They're going to be in it. They need them. Justin Jefferson. Oh, I almost took his line. So what's he need for the thousand? He needs 53. You'll wait that. That's 64 and a half? Uh-huh. No. Dude, I almost took 64 and a half less. And I thought you're going to walk that tightrope. It's going to be more than 53 and less than 64. This is amazing. Mike Evans, Tampa Bay, wide receiver. High rock is huge. 53.5 receiving yards more.
Okay. I too have a Tampa Bay Bucks wide receiver. And Mecca and Bucca. Oh, no. I know, right? Oh, no. Is my Green Goblin. One and a half receptions. Just got to get to two. I know. I know. I'm going to be sweating. Just get two receptions. Well, my Green Goblin is YouTube. Tade Otten. one and a half reception same team we've all cut the bucks passing game all right I've gone I I actually went Travis Kelsey 42 and a half receiving yards I'm taking the more I too went Travis Kelsey 42 and a half receiving yards more All right. We went the same direction there on the tight end. I'm so tempted to have you read the CTA. Hold on to get a. You think price picks would be happy about that? Let's see. Hold on. I can't say fee. Hold on. That was fantasy face off. Presented by price. Presented by price picks. Join millions of users and sign up for America's number one fantasy sports app. Use the code footballers to get $50 in lineups and you play $5.
No show tomorrow. Enjoy your New Year's Day. No Sunday live either. No Sunday live this week. Reminder. Reminder. Reminder. That sounds perfect. Yeah. Yeah. We've got no show tomorrow or Friday. Enjoy the new year. Be safe tonight. And enjoy the football in week 18. If you're a champion, celebrate. If you lost in a championship game, celebrate in a different way. Tomorrow is a new year. It's a new year. Turn the page. Footy Award nominations coming next Tuesday. We got some Footballers AMA. We got the True Series. We've got a lot of stuff going on. And Mike's going to finish drilling on himself. It's so much. We're going to say goodbye for right now. But we'll be back. Take care, everybody. Have a good one. Bye. Happy New Year. For listening to another episode of the Fantasy Footballers podcast.
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