THE UNOFFICIALFOOTBALLERSFAN ARCHIVE↗Transcript links use the exact YouTube video’s clock. Machine transcripts can contain errors.
The hosts claim that somehow every fantasy manager lost, send listeners through a fantasy burn unit with bandages everywhere and points falling, and let Jason answer his costly Derek Carr stream by proposing results over process: skip the process and always be right.
Listener submissions process the bad weekend through familiar player-name mutations, beginning with sparse successes and collapsing into Mark Scamdrews, Trey McGlide, Sam La Poop Dispense, Travis Smelcy, Brock Bowel Movement, Isaiah Unlikely, Calvin Didley Squat, Justin Hurtbert, J.K. Sobbins, Faker Mayfield, and Dude Where's My Carr.
A host asks AI whether Sam LaPorta's right lateral ankle sprain is high or low. The answer defines right lateral as the right side of the uterus, leaving the injury unresolved and earning a sarcastic thank-you to Dr. Internet.
The desk credits Kyle with a Bryce Young stat—583 attempts, no offensive touchdown of twenty-plus yards, and three such scores to opponents—then asks him to recover C.J. Stroud's Truth-series splits. The plus-7.7 home and minus-7.7 top-defense figures return, but no shot reveals Kyle and the answer's voice is not uniquely attributable to him.
Learning that Tyler Badie pronounces his surname like bidet turns a nine-for-seventy rushing performance into cleaning, washing, spraying, seat-fit, and small-bidet jokes. Dude Looks Like a Baby becomes Dude Looks Like a Bidet, the hosts identify him as the Bidet, and one explicitly says the nickname is being updated.
Mark Andrews's four routes demand an FBI investigation, and the proposed weekly response is to enter a shower fully clothed, weep, wail, and become soggy outside because nothing matters. A ten-point family-saving challenge leaves Jason's family dead, and the position is finally labeled hot, liquid doo-doo while listeners propose replacing tight end with a flex.
Complete published-video review confirms Andy, Jason, and Mike live at the desk in ordinary studio clothing. The standard opening also displays the five-person WITH THE DUCERS portrait card for Brooks/Judge Giamatti, Josh/Papa Josh, Jeremy/Owl Borland, Matt/The Falcon, and Kyle/The Borgogon; because it is prerecorded and no live booth cut occurs, the card does not establish that any producer is physically present. No Jay Griz image, line, drop, cue, cutout, fourth microphone, or fill-in appears. A generic black bear in the routine animated intro remains an uncredited montage animal and is not treated as Jay. The hosts declare that somehow 100 percent of fantasy players lost, imagine listeners emerging from a fantasy burn unit with bandages everywhere and points going downward, and let Jason answer his failed Derek Carr stream by proposing results over process: simply skip the process and always be right. Monday Punday turns listener submissions into Rashi Nice, Joe Won My Weak Jennings, Dandy Dalton, Kywin Williams, Chuba Hubba Hubbard, Amari Super, Marvin There He Is-son Jr., Malik Ebers, and a tight-end disaster run led by Mark Scamdrews, Trey McGlide, Sam La Poop Dispense, Travis Smelcy, Brock Bowel Movement, and Isaiah Unlikely. Asked whether a right lateral ankle sprain is high or low, an AI answer places the right lateral on the right side of the uterus and earns a Dr. Internet thank-you. Kyle is explicitly credited with submitting Bryce Young's 583 attempts without a 20-plus-yard touchdown and is later asked to retrieve C.J. Stroud's Truth-series splits; the returned plus-7.7 home and minus-7.7 top-defense figures are heard while video stays on the hosts, but the speaker is not uniquely identifiable as Kyle, so he remains mention-only rather than a producer voice. The Broncos discussion discovers that Tyler Badie's preferred pronunciation sounds like bidet, turns rushing production into washing and spraying jokes, converts Dude Looks Like a Lady into Dude Looks Like a Bidet, and explicitly announces a nickname update. The final tight-end collapse asks the FBI to investigate Mark Andrews running four routes, prescribes entering a shower fully clothed to weep and wail after each start, concludes Jason's family is doomed if one tight end must score ten points to save them, and calls the position hot, liquid doo-doo. Targeted frames confirm that the AI screen, bandages, pun cards, bidet, shower, wet clothes, family-threat tableau, FBI imagery, and Kyle are all dialogue-only; the only episode-specific visual treatments are standard monitor labels and produced show graphics.
I mean, it feels like it. It does feel like it. It felt like it for a while. But if Mahomes at quarterback five is a streaming quarterback, then he's not a streaming quarterback. Okay. So here's the thing. Like if that's. Give me the number. What, what, remind me the last 17 rolling games. You said C.J. Stroud, what was his? 41% of the time he was over 20 points. I want you to guess Patrick Mahomes. Oh my gosh. You've seen it and you've ruined the thing. I'll just tell you then. The amount of games over 20 points of four point per passing touchdown. Over his last 17. Over his last 17, Patrick Mahomes, has cleared that 20 point benchmark, which is the benchmark we need for quarterbacks. 17.6% of his games. So one in five. He's an F consistency. He is F right now. Inconsistence. So yes. I don't want to live on this planet anymore. To go back to the question, the answer is yes.
And I'm telling you, they don't have the cover two. They do not have, it's not, they don't have receivers, guys. Kelsey isn't the same guy and worthy isn't worthy of a start. So you, he threw a touchdown at Juju in 2024, which should have been Rises. When I checked the game long and I'm watching as I'm driving to pick my kids up last night and I'm seeing Justin Watson coming down with passes, something's wrong. Tyreek Hill mattered. Yeah. To his fantasy output. For sure. They still win because the reps. All right. Jared Goff, 199 and two, Baker, also pumpkin, although 25 or 33, but only 163. It was like a ton of sacks. It was garbage. The Denver defense looks really, really good. There's your every given Sunday. I mean, every given Sunday, the Denver Broncos looked awful. Baker and the Tampa Bay, Tampa Bay, Tampa Bay, Bucks. They looked amazing. But they're at home against Denver. They'll be fine, right?
Yeah. So I do think that we're far enough in the season now where we could start to identify some of these defenses that we say, okay, week one, week two. Now if you put three of them together, like Minnesota, like Denver, you can go these are actually legitimate defenses. James Connor struggled. Detroit, Detroit rushing defense is so good. Ramandrite, people were very upset with the. The way their week started. Is that because he had essentially negative points? Yes. Yeah, that's why. Tony Pollard was... Goodness gracious. As bad as you can be once we finally bought in. Yep. Josh Jacobs had a pretty bad week. He was... They split him with Emmanuel Wilson. Josh Jacobs was a 52% of the snaps for them yesterday. 14 carries. Manuel Wilson had 12 carries. Well, the game was kind of...
Yeah. I guess it wasn't really out of hand. No, it was not. So that is, that will be something to keep an eye on. How worried? Which, like, like last week, Aaron Jones and Ty Chandler. Oh, do we, do we have an RBBC propping up here? And no, Aaron Jones was everything this week's. So this could just be a blip, but it is something to monitor. How worried do we need to be about Devani A Chan's future when? You know, Mosterts coming back. They don't have a quarterback. They're on their third stringer. He had 74% of the snaps. It was a pretty down game, 11 for 30, and just three for 28 through the air. The Miami Dolphins cannot win unless they get a quarterback in there. So if they want to win games and they have the talent and the ability to, they need to go out and find someone. Is Tim Boyle better than Skyler, though? He is. But not enough to.
move a needle in any important direction. You know, if you went out and got, you know, you trade for Joe Flacco or someone like that. Joe Flacker could run this offense. They don't think Tanna Hills just sitting there. Sure, Tanna Hill, whoever, but it can't be the guys on the roster right now. Find your Dalton. And I'll find your Dalton. I'll say this for, you know, they want to make sure that Tua is allowed to make the right decision for him. They are handling it so well. But I would just say, If you keep the quarterbacks on your roster, you are forcing Tua's hand to say, I've got to get back. You give two of the time for Tua if you go and you get Flacco or Tanna Hill or someone because, you know, it's almost like Terry Kill, Jalen Waddle. Devon A. Chan, I mean, he had five targets, which was nice. But the whole defense is going to be, it's going to basically look like goal line defense soon. You're going to have 11 guys right up on the line and be like, well,
We'll just tackle the quarterback or whoever the quarterback passes the ball to one yard from him. All right. Let me get your, by the way, down week for Dobbins. He got the majority of the work. Yeah, I'm not worried about him. I'm a little worried about it. Really? Because if Herbert's out, yeah. Okay. Just because I don't think they'll have a threat of that play action pass, but only short turn. Only short turn. Gotcha. Panic alarm for Rashad White? I think so. Jason, do you want me to push it? I don't want a panic alarm because I don't want people to flat bench him yet. I will say this. He's been so abysible on the ground, which kind of his thing. I mean, that's like career-wise. Still had six targets, five catches in this game. They got a guy now, though. But Bucky Irving looks really good. I got a guy. Bucky looks fully legitimate. Looks somehow bigger in the NFL than he did in college because that was kind of my knock on him was just.
He's a very tiny player, but he's quality. It looks better in the, what, like the black and red there? Yeah, I guess so. But, um, Bucky Irving, nine for 70 on the ground. And that was while Rashad White against this Denver defense went six for 17. And it's the bigger issue for me on Rashad White is week one against Washington. The buck scored 37 points. I know Baker was incredible getting the ball down the field, but he was running back 20 in that game where he, Rashad White of last year. That would have been a top 10 performance. Goes to Detroit the next week, running back 55. Currently, they're running back 34 on the week. We are not passing volumin our way into him being anything worth starting. It's worth reminding people that Rashad White hurt his groin. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so from a productive, you know, production standpoint, he may still be struggling with an injury. But you're having looked far more spry.
Seems capable in the passing game. Oh, he's a great pass. And if you watch the game, you saw them both on the field a lot. They run, you know, a sweep with Bucky Irving with Rashad in the backfield. DeAndre Swift is he, I'm going to say this because I don't want to be hyperbolic. Okay. But is he the worst player in the NFL history? Gosh. Or is the offensive line? We're not, we're going to take Bryce Young out because we're still waiting. Players currently starting, yeah. Okay, then yes. He is terrible. Do you guys see the play, though, on the goal line, the freeze frame? Remember when they threw a pitch option to him? Where the O line is completely pancake? The entire offensive line within one second of the snap is on the ground for the bears. That part has no chance. That part is not his fault, but they are, Rocheon Johnson, his involvement went way up compared to what it has been. Swift is in trouble for volume.
1.5 a carry against the league's worst rushing defense going into the game. That was an improvement from 1.3 the week before. Thank you. Okay. Glass. Still really empty. DeAndre Swift had to be everything. Like the check said that he should be the guy for the Bears of a three down back. How good is that agent right now? That agent is running away. He's like, no takesie backsies. I mean, Betsy said it, the Miles Sanders of this year. Javante Williams. was five for 12. Yeah. Very terrible. They stole a touchdown from him. But I'm not saying he was good, but I'm saying he should have had six more points. He is currently 2.9, 1.5, 2.4. He has rushed for 2317 and 12 yards. As the dude. This is not going to work. Well, and on top of that, a spring has opened up for the Denver Broncos.
Oh, yeah. So some water is flowing there. Things are cleaning up for the Denver Broncos as a running back actually had a bunch of success for him. He did. Oh, that must have been McLaughlin. It was not. It was, it was not him. I'm trying to put my finger on it. There was a poopy situation here. But I think maybe they found a way to wash it away. Yeah, they found a more optimal way that is not just wiping it. No, they're not wiping it away. They're washing it away. Apparently we've been saying his name wrong the whole time. We thought it was Beatty. But it is Tyler Biday. Badee. His name is a Badee. The Biday is going to clean up the Denver Broncos running back situation. Nine for 70. That's more rushing yards than Williams has in three games. I don't know how you see what the Badee was able to spray and not put him out there more. Javante is broken.
Yeah, he doesn't. This is toast. But great news. The bidet could be a thing. The bidet is small, and I would say that's the issue. You don't want a big clunky bidet. Well, you want it to fit the seat that it's on. And so I think this bidet, you've got to have room. This used to be dude looks like a baby. Yeah, well, no longer. Yeah. Now it's dude looks like a bidet. We can tell we're dealing with the week in our own way. I mean, we were just cackling to ourselves. Yeah, we thought he was mispronouncing him. How stupid are they saying it, calling him bidet. It's baity. And then we looked it up. And then someone tweeted that they checked with with Tyler before the game and he said, no, it's bidet. Maybe he's making a joke. Maybe. I don't know, but now guess who is the bidet?
Okay, sorry, man. I'm updating his nickname. Please do. We have more guys we have to talk about. Oh, gosh, no. Tyree Kill and Jalen Waddle. Do I push the button for them? Yep. Is Tyree Kiel now the most difficult fantasy player to manage because you can't not play him, but you can't play him? I'm still going to play him. It feels better to have Waddle because I can bench him. Right. Oh my gosh. You know what I mean? Like I can choose and say, okay, well, you know, if they're playing against the commanders, okay, maybe I'll, maybe I'll throw Waddell in. Otherwise I'm going to bench him or whatever. But if you got Tyree Kill, you can't bench Tyree Kill. And it's like, you should have benched him for Joanne Jennings. I mean, he had, Tyree Kill had five fantasy points last week. Obviously they started with Tua, but Tua left that game. He had five fantasy points this week. Yikes, man.
Mike Evans got the Patrick Sertan treatment. Two for 17. Don't worry about him. Devante Adams, four for 40 on nine targets, had some drops, which is a weird game. It was a weird game. Coach Pierce is real mad, and I saw people connecting it to being Devonte Adams. If you missed the quote, Coach Pierce after the game said, as the game was going along, I saw some players making business decisions, and we will make business decisions. moving forward, which maybe that's just a coach being big mad at his players, but that was ominous. I saw a defensive play where there was literally, I don't remember what defender it was, but I mean it was a clear, he didn't go for a tackle. He made a full-on business decision. I saw in the comments. Not Adams, just a defensive player? In the comments to that message, everyone was talking about Adams, trade Adams, that Adams was phoning in it or whatever. I didn't personally see that, but I,
I watched a defensive player who was right there to make a tackle and kind of backed out of the way. And then another guy makes tackle, then he like hops on. Like, oh, yeah, I was part of this. Got him. Half tackle. What about CD Lamb? Dak threw the ball 51 times through 37 yards. CD was four foot of 67 with a fumble. Not worried. The CD Lamb, yeah, I'm not worried about it. But the combination of him and Brandon Ayyuk. Brandon Ayuk had 10. He looks terrible this year. He had 10 targets. He looks terrible. The situation for him set up to be the best possible scenario he could dream of. He is the only show in town other than Joanne Jennings backup wide receiver. And then he goes 5 for 48. Which is following a 4 for 43, which is following a 2 for 28. He is not playing good football. And CD right now.
Five receptions week one, four receptions week two, four receptions week three. And if we look at Jamar Chase, Jamar Chase is at, you know, nine, hasn't hit 10 fantasy points, five fantasy points last week. TBD, I think it'll be good against Washington. But these holdout guys, yeah, that's what I was going to say is the training camp guys. We're seeing a lot of preseason football these days. Jameson Williams, one for nine. She's brutal. Absolutely brutal. That one, I'm not. I'm not overly concerned about that. And then that's just a... It's a weird game. 30 points at halftime. 30 points put up at the half. The Cardinals shut out the Lions. The Lions did not score in the second half. Still lost the game. They all shut themselves out. Michael Pittman, should you drop him? Maybe. He is... Four for 36. He had, like, when I talked about him on Sunday live, I brought him up in the Cox. We left this city. Yeah, it's like, Michael Pittman's a bench for me.
How can you play a guy when the quarterback is not even completing half of his passes? Tank Dell was 5 for 62, kind of saved his game over the last two drives. Calvin Ridley, after a big week last week, one for nine. Hopkins was all of a sudden healthy and a little younger this week. One target for Ridley in the first two and a half quarters of the game. What's the truth about Ridley that he's going to be inconsistent because of Levis? I mean, he was... Yeah, I mean, it's one, did you say one target? He was the wide receiver eight last week, three targets. Okay, because... No, one over the first two and a half quarters. Yeah, the issue here is Will Levis. I feel like you can be the number one for Will Levis, but you can't split with him. Hopkins had seven targets in this game, and it was good, six for 73 and a touchdown. So if all of a sudden this is a, you know, a shared...
first, you know, this game's going to be this guy's the water receiver one, that game's going to be that guy. That gets a little scary. Is that what you think is going to happen? I don't. I don't think that. No, I still think Calvin Ridley will be the majority starter, the primary read, the number one leader in targets, yards, receptions through the course of the season. What about Jackson, Smith, and Jigba, who came off a good game and went three for 39? Yeah, it just, you felt like you could start it. You did, and a reminder of like the way that that game went. D.K. Metcalf was in the studs.
He caught four passes. Like one of them was a gigantic touchdown. What was Lockett's final numbers? I felt like he was involved. He was. Tyler Lockett was five for 46. And this was the game against the dolphins with the backups where the dolphins put up three points. And Charbonnet, like, Charbonnet was the full workforce. It actually looked, okay. It was 173 long into the like into the fourth, I think. Yeah, but it. Rashid Shaheed. I banish you. Shaheed. Mike has been. I banish you into the nether. Mike has been so reluctant over now years to get on the Rashid Shaheed bandwagon. And you finally did it. Yeah, I did. You put him in your draft king's lineup. You said, okay, this is, I'm in. I need to run a test with Mike real quick. Next week, you got a flex spot open. And you have to choose between Rashid Shaheed and DeAndre Swift. Oof. Or do you leave it blank? Uh,
Yeah, I think, look, they're not going to get me any points, so I'd rather just be a man about it and take my zero. So you'll put Michael Pittman in there? Over those guys? Yeah, probably. Get your four points to check out. Mark Andrews. Oh, my goodness. This one, the Mark Andrews one has to be investigated by the FBI. First of all, we don't, I don't know what happened. He ran, he ran four routes. That's, what is going on. There has to be reporting this week. Yeah, so that's what I'm saying. We need more information. What in the world is going on? What do you do now? Is this a, he's not recovered from the injury? He had the car accident scare during training camp. Like what? Lamar didn't throw the ball very much at all, but the four routes run is, that's terrifying. Hey, hey, you had a 25% target per route run.
Isaiah likely had 12 targets in week one when he was everybody's darling on the waiver wire. He's had four total targets since that time. So four targets in two games for likely. And then the disappearing act of Mark Andrews. Now, is it Kohler? Is that their other tight end? 88? This is not normal for Mark Andrews. He's normally out there a ton. But Charlie Kohler is a good blocking tight end. And there's some talk about. he's just out there blocking and 250 yards on the ground. But Mark Andrews was always an every week player. And now, now what do you do? I mean, I don't. I was asked a lot about it on Twitter. And I gave a jocular response, but I think it might be the truth of what am I going to do with Mark Andrews? I'm going to see the performance. I'm going to turn the shower on. I'm just going to go right in. And I'm going to weep. I'm going to wail. Close on.
Close on. Yeah. It doesn't matter because you know what? It doesn't matter if you get your clothes on what because nothing matters. You want to feel soggy on the outside. Then I'll play him next week and I'll just repeat the process every single week. I don't know what to do with Mark Andrews. I don't think anybody knows what to do with Kelsey. I don't think anybody knows what to do with Leporta. Follow the steps. Well, Leportas at least hurt so he can't hurt you? Yeah. What is going on? What is going on? What is going on? You were the chosen one. Every single year. We've done this for a decade. It's just been like tight-in position sucks as a whole. You know, you get Kelsey or you get Gronk or you get Jimmy Graham. You get like one of the two or you get Mark Andrews. There's at least a superstar. There's one or two every year and then the rest are trashed. This year we had six, seven, eight. You know, if you want to include Kyle Pitts and George Kittle. There used to be players where if your family.
was held at gunpoint and you had to pick one to score 10 points to save their lives you'd have a name oh yeah you used to have a name you could give who would you who are you picking is christian mcalfrey back yeah who are you picking to save to save your family jason tight end who do you have to start to save your family next week 10 points and they live 10 points and they live whoa that's a crazy question i told you 10 points and they live your family's in trouble man 10 points and I guarantee it. Yeah, 10 points in your family makes it. Oh, man. My family's dead, man. You want to hear some wild. I think I go Brock. You want some wild stuff here, guys. I don't know, man, but he can't get a touch. I mean, hot off of this week's performance for Dallas Goddard. He is the number one tight end in fantasy right now. Can we get that applause button for Dallas Goddard? My guy, Dallas Goddard.
Who you almost, you were one final play from wanting to cast him into the abyss last week. Instead, he's helped me win twice. Number two is Brock Bowers. No one makes sense. The number three tight end of the year hot off of a massive performance in week three is Colquette. Oh, wow. Overtook Hunter Henry, huh? Where's Hunter Henry? Hunter Henry is now the tight end seven. What a loser. George Kittle is the tight end six and he put up approximately zero. zero points in week three. This is... People are trying to respond to this. This is hot, liquid, doo-doo. People are trying to respond with this with saying, let's just ditch the tight-in position and go another flex. Is that the answer? Do we need to... I don't think that's the answer yet. No. I... If this keeps going, that's the answer. I can't... I can't have this pain anymore, guys. I can't... Look, it's a flex. You want to play the superstar tight-end, and that's how you want to build your roster. You are free to do it because it's a flex.
There's one man who can help us this week. His name's Dalton Kincaid. He better get it done tonight and give us some hope for the position. All signs point two is not going to happen. I don't know. This week was pretty upside down. This is not happening. Oh my gosh. It's all pain. So that's going to do it. Waivers and streamers tomorrow. Trade four tradeaway players on Wednesday. Matchups in shame Thursday and Friday. Join us at join thefoot.com. Support the show. And good luck. Goodbye. Thank you for listening to another episode of the Fantasy Footballers podcast. Join our fantasy football community on join thefoot.com. And follow us on Twitter at theFF ballers.