THE UNOFFICIALFOOTBALLERSFAN ARCHIVE↗Transcript links use the exact YouTube video’s clock. Machine transcripts can contain errors.
The annual Super Bowl Sunday UDK launch is the first opportunity to preorder the 2025 kit. Buying before March 1 enters a chance to win a Listener League spot, while existing Ultimate Foot Clan members already have access and automatic entry.
Jason introduces the real statistical word 'tertile' in the show's turtile pronunciation. It sounds like either a shelled animal or defecation, sends the bottom third into the bowl, converts Kupp's final third into a turdile, renders Goedert a turtile placeholder, and returns for the final Faceoff captain.
The courtroom quotation plays in full, then the 2025 bumper shows Andy shouting in an oversized powdered wig behind a small podium and Jason shouting beside him in a black zip-front courtroom costume. Mike is absent from the prerecorded graphic but present live before and after it.
Andy says he historically opposed drafting and relying on rookie tight ends because the bet failed for a decade, but the last two broke the pattern. He recalls admitting by Week 1 that Brock Bowers was awesome and telling listeners to trade for him.
The hosts dispute whether Sam LaPorta earned his production or was schemed into empty field, joking that a cart pulled him down the sideline. Repeated attempts to reach his ranking end with 'Good season in my butt,' and the later defense is halted when an unlabeled host effectively calls twelve double seven.
The Andrews season becomes a Six Flags roller coaster that starts badly, plunges underwater until riders nearly drown, and rockets upward just before death. His three-reception floor later clenches the butt cheeks until touchdowns repeatedly release them into loose cheeks and fiber.
The show document orders Tucker Kraft skipped, but Mike is explicitly identified as wanting him to receive time. The detour produces a failed 'athleticism' word, an apparently unlimited Kraft allotment, five claimed minutes still remaining, and a final pairing with Goedert that Mike explains: he likes his nasty-boy tight ends.
When the three hosts try to place themselves into turtile/trifecta language, another host reminds Mike that he alone is in the Ring of Honor. Mike acknowledges the distinction and receives sarcastic congratulations.
The final Faceoff of the year has no punishment because no football was played the prior week, though a host calls his lineup punishment enough. The real bumper shows Andy and Mike but not Jason; live coverage returns to all three, and Goedert becomes a bottom-turtile captain.
Complete review of all 40 storyboard sheets plus targeted direct-video frames shows Mike, Jason, and Andy as the only live people: Mike sits left in a gray cap and plaid overshirt, Jason center in a black cap and glasses, and Andy right in glasses and navy. Jay Griz, a cardboard bear, a fourth host, a live producer, Deucer Cam, the Wheel, a physical punishment, and a live costume are absent. The opening supplies direct Listener League canon. Super Bowl Sunday begins 2025 UDK preorders; purchases before March 1 create a chance to win a Listener League spot, while Ultimate Foot Clan members receive automatic entry. No ticket or entrant graphic appears during the pitch. Jason's new statistical word becomes the main language gag: thirds are 'turtiles,' the word suggests either a shelled animal or defecation, the bottom turtile belongs in the bowl, and Cooper Kupp's final third becomes a turdile. The recurring courtroom dialogue then launches a real Truth bumper. In this older version, Andy wears an oversized powdered wig behind a small podium and Jason appears in a black zip-front courtroom costume; Mike is absent from the bumper but remains live. A crucial attribution check protects the film's rookie-tight-end canon: the host who says he historically opposed drafting rookie tight ends and admitted by Week 1 that Brock Bowers proved him wrong is Andy, shown speaking alone—not Jason. The remaining tight-end debate yields dialogue-only props. Sam LaPorta gets carted downfield, his good season ends 'in my butt,' and doubling seven touchdowns becomes seven-times-two-equals-twelve math. Mark Andrews becomes a Six Flags ride that nearly drowns riders before rocketing upward; his low reception floor clenches the butt cheeks until touchdown relief produces loose cheeks and fiber. The hosts also impose a Highlander rule: only three elite tight ends may exist. The show document says to skip Tucker Kraft, but Mike fights for time, a host crashes 'athleticism' into 'athletics,' and Mike still claims five more minutes. Another host admits Dallas Goedert was included only as a turtile placeholder, even though the word had already appeared. The desk then reminds Mike that he alone occupies the Footballers Ring of Honor. Fantasy Faceoff closes without a Wheel consequence because no football was played the prior week; one host says his lineup is punishment enough. Its produced bumper shows Andy in a gray quarter-zip and Mike in a black blazer over a colorful shirt; Jason is absent from that graphic but stays live. Goedert becomes the bottom-turtile captain, and Mike closes: 'This is what I do. I like my nasty boy tight ends.'
So it is just the ultimate victory. And coming in at the bottom of the turtile, Mr. Dallas Goddard will be my captain. Fantastic. Well, the rest of my lineup before I even knew that this show was going to happen. You're talking about number seven consistency ranked Dallas God. That's who I'm talking about. My final five names, Barkley, by the way, 18,000 as a captain. All right, why don't you name one name and we'll say if we got him, so we know. Is that the best way to do? Really? I think that sounds confusing. Let's try it out. I have Hollywood. I have Hollywood as well. I have Hollywood. I have Hollywood Brown. Okay, so he's irrelevant. Okay. I have Goddard in my lineup, not my captain, but 5800. I have got her to 5800 as well. Mike says captain irrelevant other than obviously you get more points. If you haven't played this game before, your captain gets extra points. One and a half. One and a half.
times the points for whatever they score, but they also, their salary costs more. Yes. When you choose them as a half. I have, I have Sequin as a flex. Okay. Okay. I have Patrick Mahomes at 10,000. Ooh, I do not. I don't have any Mahomes. Okay. So I'm, I've got Jalen Hertz. I do not have Hurts. I have Jailen Hurts. All right. Okay. So we're, so Mike and I are on the Hertz. You're on the Mahomes side. I just figured he's going to hand it to Barclay. That's what I'm going to go with. I figure Mahomes is going to lose. Xavier Worthy at 8,000 and then Noah Gray is the bargain bin at 2,800. I've got Noah Gray at 2,800 and Cream Hunt at 6,400. Oh, I went with one more ride for the big guy. We've got Travis Kelsey in here at 9,000. I figure he'll show up in the Super Bowl. And then a guy who's surprisingly getting a bunch of targets inside the end zone. Not a bunch of targets nor playing time.
But I'm going with DeAndre Hopkins at 4,400. Just hope that we get, if anyone has a fluky two touchdown game, I think it's Hopkins. You just heard three lineups, 0, A.J. Brown, zero DeVantza Smith. That's true. Pretty wild. Yeah, because Dallas Guard. Oh, boy, that was fantasy face off presented by Drive King Sportsbook. It's the last chance to bet on the NFL this season, download the draft King Sportsbook app and use the code ballers. That is the code. Ballers place any TD bet on Super Bowl 59 and get it matched as a bonus bet in the amount of your original bet only on draft King's sports book. The Crown is yours. Did you have a final thought there, Mike? Just a Goddard related. Goddard and Craft, Goddard and Craft. Your guys. Oh, I was like, I don't know that song. Yeah, yeah. Focus on those next year for tight in. Dude, this is what I do. I like my nasty boy tight ends.
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