The Fantasy Court + Buy or Sell

We've only seen him for three years, and his rookie year, we saw a 2.6 touchdown percent. He skyrocketed to a 7.5% on his MVP season. That's fantastic. Unsustainable. You saw him drop to 5.2%, which is a reasonable number. D. Jack certainly will help him out, but now he's starting the season with a broken finger. I just have Carson Wentz ranked.

Where he is, who he actually is. He's a fantastic quarterback. But unless you aren't giving me those unsustainable touchdown percentages, he is just right there at that quarterback 10 range. I have such a hard time, though, with that argument and then looking at somebody like Baker, who you have ranked five spots ahead, who you're going to have to get that kind of efficiency from to be the number five because he doesn't run the football. And he runs it less than Carson Wins does.

But it's not for me to decide. Sure, it's for the judge. But I do want to make an objection. Well, my final thought here, I object is you guys are like, yes, he has his best wide receivers, the best wide receiving crew of his career. He's got the best running backs of his career as well. And I'm not talking about past catching. I'm talking about guys who can actually run the ball in Jordan Howard and Miles Sanders. You think that won't make an impact on their decision to run the ball more?

All right, compelling arguments. Mike, we accused you of putting a hit out on Carson Winst's value. I'm still going to object. Okay. The 23 rushing yards of game is a Russian quarterback. That's 368 yards. I wouldn't call that a rushing quarterback. No, it's not. It's not, it's not like, you know, the guys that are rushing for 600. But when you rush for almost 400 yards, that makes a difference. That was the difference between the fantasy finish because fantasy scoring is stupid for quarterbacks and fantasy football.

All right, Your Honor. Judge Giamatti, feel free to weigh in. I rule in favor of the defendant. Oh, you're an ugly man. You're an ugly idiot. Jason, he still has to rule in a couple more cases. You might want to rein that back. I was talking to Borland over there. I wasn't talking to Brooks, that handsome chap. Come on. I would never. All right, we ready for another case? Let's do it.

Plaintiff Jason Moore is accusing Andy Holloway of first-degree fraud against the Lizard King's reign on the best offense in the NFL. You might want to speak to the actual player. You're accusing me of fraud against Sammy Watkins. We all know who the Lizard King is. Yeah, well. Yes, he is cold-blooded. Your Honor, Sammy Watkins is a cold.

blooded killer. On the field, when he has been out there, he has been great. He was drafted to be so in the 2014 NFL draft. Yes, it had Odell Beckham and Mike Evans and a highly touted Kelvin Benjamin, but Sammy Watkins was taken ahead of all of them, and he came out and dominated to start his career with Tyrod Taylor.

Unfortunately, injuries have derailed his career and he has not been able to do it on.

the field for a full season in a long time. It's not very lizard-like. It's not, well, I mean, the tail has grown back, I believe. And I believe he is ready now to play a solid 16 games. But here's the reality with Sammy Watkins. When he was out on the field, he had almost the same target share as Tyreek Hill. He is on the Kansas City Chiefs. He is a touchdown.

threat. We've seen that his entire career. He's blazing fast. And just speaking to fantasy, when he was out there last season, I mean, we've already seen him with Tyree Kill. He played in eight games. He had three top fantasy finishes. And in six of his eight games, he was a wide receiver, 34 or better. Those are solid numbers. I'm not saying he's going to be a top.

10 wide receiver. But right now, he's being drafted in the 40s at wide receiver, which is basically his floor. It's beyond his floor if he's actually healthy. Now, my colleague, you're not helping your argument. My colleague here is going to bring up the injury risk. He's going to say that this is a preemptive strike. This is a lawyering 101. Yeah.

I went to lawyering school. Yep. My colleague is going to bring up. Yeah, no, I never shut up. I slept in, overslept. My colleague's going to bring up the injury history, and I would just like to bring up the fact that plenty of players have a long injury history. Frank Gore, Julio Jones, to start his career, plenty of guys. And then as soon as they are not injured and they play 16, we forget all about it.

If Sammy Watkins were to play this season 13 games, 14, 15, or heaven forbid, 16 games, you are going to have a top 24 wide receiver for one of the best offenses with the best quarterback in the league. He's already finished every year where he's played more than 10 games. He's finished above wide receiver 40 in each of those seasons. So I believe that it's egregious.

to say that Sammy Watkins, where he's going, isn't an incredible value and shouldn't be drafted by all. But if you were too drowned by Andy Holloway's rankings, you will never end up with Sammy Watkins because he has ranked him wide receiver 720,000. Mike, you're looking at me. Am I good to defend myself here? Not that I need much. I'm not involved in this case here, but in the wise words of the Lizard King.

Oh, wait. Did he weigh in? Now, we call him that because he believes he's a lizard. Now, that's really not a stretch as to why he gets called that. But he shares wisdom on Twitter from time to time. Yeah, I just wanted to check in. Space time is the knowledge of karma and of us. By invocation, we heal. That's a smart man. Let me address what my foolhardy colleague brought forth as his case against me.

I think it's a self-indiding argument because no player that is so amazing should have to be discussed in a way where you prove it to me five years after he was drafted as so amazing. But my main case is this. You can't force me to do something I don't want to do. You cannot force the lizard king on me. It's like trying a food that I've already had before.

example i know that i already hate black olives so don't make me try to eat them stop putting them on different foods as secret black olive vessels to trick me into eating them and liking them i don't care if sammy's a bill i don't care if he's a ram i don't care if he's a chief i don't want any i already tried it i know what it tastes like it left a bad taste in my mouth

The taste had foot sprains and foot soreness and foot fractures and ankle sprains and calf strains and hamstring strains and hip contusions and groin strains and rib contusions. It had volatility problems through and through. Rated as one of the most volatile players in fantasy football over the past few years, 519, 18, 0, 13, 11, 11, 1. He's broken 100 yards three times in his last 25 starts. He's actually kind of sort of been on the field quite a bit.

Just didn't do enough when you needed it. I'm never going to come around on black olives. I'm never going to come around on Sammy the Lizard King because my team don't need it. He's off the board. I don't want it. I don't want that as part of my life. May I ask one single question? No. Then your honor, you may rule. You can ask me after the court. Okay. Rules. Now, I want you to know if you rule in favor of Jason, you have to play Sammy Watkins this whole year. Congratulations.

What do you got there? The court rules in favor of Andy Holloway. Oh, you are such a disgusting turd. Today, science tells us that the essence of nature is coherence. Thank you. To engage with the quest is to become one with it. Well, this is lizard knowledge. What was your one question, Jason? My one question is, have you ever enjoyed a Schlotsky sandwich and said to me?

that you actually liked these black olives on that sandwich. Oh, no. Has that ever happened? Andy. You better be ready. Andy. You better be ready. There was one time. Oh! Well, enjoy having Sammy Watkins on your team now. Look, if you put Sammy on a Schlotsky sandwich, I'm okay. I'm just... Hashtag not a sponsor. What's great about this is I still have this memory of being a kid. And my dad would do this thing with food sometimes where he'd say,

Open your mouth, close your eyes. I'm going to give you a surprise. And he put a different food that he wanted me to try a food. And it was black olives. And I just, from that moment on, he wasn't my father. They are delicious. All right. So that's when we, I haven't spoken to him since. All right. One more case. Plaintiff Mike Wright is accusing Jason Moore of wearing third degree blue colored glasses while looking at Sterling Shepherd. Your Honor.

No, I'm just letting it play forever. Your Honor, I'm back, back again, and this honestly is just, there's not much of an argument to be made here. Sterling Shepard is a side salad. He is not a main course. Sounds healthy. That's good for you, Brooks. The New York Giants are missing their main course.

Sterling Shepard has had the benefit of playing with O'Dell Beckham being on a better offense. We know that Eli Manning is a much, much better quarterback when O'Dell Beckham is on the field, keeps drives alive. We have seen Sterling Shepard have the chance to play without O'Dell Beckham. And what happens to his fantasy value? It goes up marginally.

He's in the games that he plays with O'Dell Beckham from 2017 to 2018, 16 games. Sterling Shepard was putting up about 11 ppr points a week. The 11 games, the 11. We're talking a sample that is not, this isn't the juju sample without Antonio Brown. This is 11 games. When Sterling Shepard is playing without O'Dell Beckham, he vaults up the mountain all the way to.

13 ppr points a game. He just does not have the skill set to be the number one wide receiver. He needs Batman there. And he does not take this huge jump, in my opinion. Okay. I've heard your idiocy. And now I will hit you with brilliance. He learned that line at lawyering school. That's darn it. You'll always call them an idiot. 1-888-lawing school. The numbers check out there. Don't worry about it. Look, Sterling Shepard.

is a good receiver. He is now the number one receiver, and if you want to argue it's Golden Tate, he can't be argued for the first quarter of the season while Golden Tate is out on a suspension that we all knew he would be out from. Your Honor, Exhibit A. Sterling Shepard last season was the wide receiver 30 as a side salad. Now,

Odell Beckham is gone, which my colleague here has already proved helps, just marginally. Sure. Just two more fantasy points a game. But it's a good thing. He plays better without Odell Beckham there and can step up into that role. So he's going to go up from wide receiver 30 last year. Now he's the main target. No Golden Tate, no Odell Beckham. I feel like there's a real value here. But, Your Honor, may I call a witness to the stand? You may. Objection.

Overruled. Thank you, Your Honor. I call... You didn't state any objection, just objected. Objection. That's what you do. I don't like it. I would call to the stand, Matthew Harmon, of reception, found in the ultimate draft kit. Here is Matt Harmon. Do you start to tell the truth? Yes, I do. Hey, guys, what's up? I'm cool, Matt Harmon.

Sterling Shepard has steadily improved in each of his pro seasons, but last year was certainly as best as a route runner. Shepard's 74.6% success rate versus man coverage put him in the 90th percentile among receivers charted since 2014. He also managed an 82nd percentile success rate versus press coverage score. Matt Harmon's so cool. Matt Harmon's going to be so pissed. This is the coolest I can do, Matt.