THE UNOFFICIALFOOTBALLERSFAN ARCHIVE↗Transcript links use the exact YouTube video’s clock. Machine transcripts can contain errors.
The hosts solicit listener puns and report that 99.9 percent target bad Week 1 games, then read a dense run spanning Bengals, Ravens, Mims, White, Goedert, Evans, Dallas defense, Ekeler, Nacua, Atwell, Doubs, and Tyreek Hill variants.
After Mike Evans scores, Andy high-fives Jason hard enough to shake the room. Jason later tells Mike it felt like a frying pan and says his hand is still trembling and burning; Andy proudly confirms how hard he hit it.
The hosts say they had been dominant in the Listener League before running into an opposing combination of Tyreek Hill and the Dallas defense. The passage supplies no opponent name, score, or final result.
A disappointing Cam Akers role pushes his name from Cam to Cameron and finally Ron Acres, an imagined insurance salesman who is done and toast; the next paragraph adds Captain Ron and a Kurt Russell reference.
A host tests the new sad music during Monday Punday, then asks permission to hit its button when the J.K. Dobbins injury arrives; the others make him state the news before the cue proceeds.
The back-wall monitor first depicts Mike as a grayscale muscular, near-nude STUDS figure with his tattoos missing. Later it depicts Andy as a balding/altered DUDS portrait, prompting Andy to remove his cap and show his real hair while the desk says the crew is surprising them.
Andy calls Durham Smythe great with his microphone muted, the other hosts expose the attempted silent aside, and he repeats 'He is great' audibly while emerging from the desk controls.
A comparison to Sammy Watkins's 2019 Week 1 revives a drop the hosts say is hidden away. The published overlay presents Watkins as the Lizard King in a black suit with yellow lizard emblem and a bright red cape.
Michael Pittman triggers Pity City and a visible neon-city overlay containing Pittman plus rainbow-visor Mike. Jason argues he was unfairly removed and says the new graphic contains Mike and him; Andy says he asked to be removed, but the claimed revised version is never displayed.
Mike performs an aging Panthers-receiver character who asks Andy whether he was played for old times' sake, then apologetically offers two catches for 12 yards and says he did his best.
A host asks Kyle whether the list is the tight-end top ten. Kyle supplies no distinct answer or live image; Jason visibly owns the immediate 'Oh my goodness. Yeah' reaction before the hosts read the list.
The spoken Pooped in His Big Boy Pants phrase triggers a full green produced stinger with all three host portraits and a brown mud/manure splash before the show moves into quarterback duds and Andy's wall-graphic protest.
Complete published-video review shows Mike at left in a gray T-shirt and black cap with his reddish beard, neck tattoo, and forearm tattoos visible; Jason at center in a black T-shirt, black cap, black-framed glasses, and dark beard; and Andy at right in a green T-shirt and multicolored green-and-orange cap. They remain the only live occupants at the standard microphone-and-laptop desk throughout, with no booth cut or fourth seat. The prerecorded WITH THE DUCERS card labels Brooks/Judge Giamatti, Jeremy/Owl Borland, and Kyle/The Borgogon. Monday Punday turns Foot Clan submissions into a dense Week 1 roll call, including the transcript-rendered no burrow/T/hidden, Ja'Marr Waste, Joe Money Joe Problems, P. Higgins, Fake London, J.K. Sabins, I.R. Dobbins, J.K.1L, Starvin' Mims, Facade White, Dallas Go Eat Dirt, Stairway to Evans, Dallas Weevens, Boston Ekeler, Puka Cooper Kupp Jr., Tutu Did Well, Romeo Dubs, and Tyreek Hallelujah. Stairway to Evans leads into a physically attributed desk story: Andy hit Jason's hand after the Mike Evans touchdown so hard that Jason said it felt like a frying pan and was still burning. The hosts then report that their previously dominant Listener League side ran into an opponent with Tyreek Hill and the Dallas defense; the episode gives no Megalabowl detail. Cam Akers is demoted through Cameron to Ron Acres and Captain Ron. A new sad-music cue is tested during the pun block and deliberately requested again for J.K. Dobbins. Production repeatedly surprises the desk through the small STUDS/DUDS wall monitor: first a grayscale, muscular, near-nude Mike flex image, then a balding/altered Andy portrait that prompts Andy to remove his cap and display his real hair. During Tua praise, targeted four-frame-per-second video centers on Andy bending toward his desk controls while the others catch his inaudible 'he is great' praise of Durham Smythe and make him repeat it aloud. The Sammy Watkins Lizard King cue is a produced overlay—not a costume—with Watkins in a black suit, yellow lizard emblem, and red cape. Pity City likewise overlays Michael Pittman and a rainbow-visor Mike cutout against a neon skyline; the hosts verbally claim a revised Mike-and-Jason version, but targeted video never displays that later version. Mike visibly performs the aging Panthers-receiver voice, then a host asks Kyle for a tight-end top ten. Word-level alignment and four-frame-per-second mouth movement assign the following 'Oh my goodness. Yeah' to Jason, so Kyle remains a silent crew mention rather than an off-camera voice. The Pooped in His Big Boy Pants DUDS stinger is also directly visible. No Jay Griz name, voice, cutout, cue, costume, substitution, or bear prop occurs; the generic black bear in the standard intro is unrelated stock imagery.
That's going to put Dak in situations where he doesn't need to throw the ball a lot. And that's not his fault. But for fantasy football, six points. That ain't going to work. Yep. And Gino Smith, what a maybe the worst performance of the week compared to expectations. Yes. When you factor in the excitement of last year, the addition of Jackson Smith and Jigba and the matchup against the Rams to have 112 passing yards is incredibly. disheartening. Najee Harris, six for 31 on the ground. That's not good. Six for 31 is good, but six curious. Yeah, just that he did have, Jaylon Warren had six targets, Naji had two. So you were bummed out there. DeAndre Swift, not used. Nope. He had 19 snaps. Kenny Gainwell had 41 snaps. We didn't talk about him in the studs because he didn't quite reach that level, but he was their guy exclusively. Rashad Penny was.
Out. Healthy scratch. Very interesting. Gainwell could be a massive draft A value. Damian Pierce, as Jason projected, stifled by Baltimore. I mean, this is going to be, if C.J. Stroud doesn't do enough in this offense, teams will definitely stop. He'll be focused on Damian Pierce. He also only had 48% of snaps because of the negative game script. You saw Mike Boone out on the field. What are you doing? So that's a little bit concerning to me. Yeah, it should be. Jamal Williams didn't really look great on the ground. 18 for 45. He is who we thought he was. And without a touchdown, he is who we thought he was. It did look like a better matchup. And they didn't do a lot against Tennessee. Tennessee had the worst performance. He won't come up because no one drafts him.
Ryan Tano was maybe the worst player in football this week and they almost won. They lost by a point and had a chance to win at the end of the game. And every single play that Tanael had the ball, that it was a pass play, it looked like old Matt Ryan. He was so slow. And this is a guy who's always had great pocket movement, great scrambling ability. his just just his passes like he would load up the pass. And it looked like it took him twice as long to lift that ball and throw it as it usually did. I don't know what's going on, but that's bad vibes from the quarterback play. I need to get banana ramma in there. I don't know if they can. All right. And we talked about Rashad White and Antonio Gibson, but they were really disappointing. Antonio Gibson, we need to, you know, hang in there for a week or two, but not good. No. On the wide receiver position. Oh.
In that Gibson game, Andy, you had the almost upset nailed, which seemed ludicrous. Absolute lunacy to pick the Cardinals there as an almost upset. And they had the ball with a chance to win at the very end of the game. And we were all petrified. We were like, don't you do it? Don't you do this, Cardinals? You need to take this loss. Take the almost seriously, Arizona. No, absolutely. And did you guys, did you feel like you could? extract anything from that matchup of, is Arizona's defense going to be slightly better than projected? The offense, they were not winning on the offensive side of the football. The offense didn't score a touchdown. The pass rush was better than advertised. What, six sacks? Six sacks. They scored a defensive touchdown. But I'm saying, is that a Cardinals thing or is that a Sam Howell Washington Commanders thing? Yeah, it's one of those week one. You've got to put those.
You know, those two questions in your pocket, and you have to remember to pay attention this next week. How does Arizona play? How does Washington play? The truth is usually in the middle, and it's, you know, it's like we said earlier, it's like a both and situation. But the Cardinals defense might not be one that is so easily exploitable as what was presumed. All right, looking at wider receivers, we did have a couple guys give us some sound bites from the weekend, Drake, Lennon, T. Higgins. Look, it's one thing to go. I hit it again. Two guys. It's one thing to only be targeted once and not have a catch. Drake London. Which of these is worse? What's particularly egregious is eight targets for T. Higgins. I need to go back and watch them because many of these, I'm going to guess there's some of these that Joe Burrow passes that they call the target. But it will, I mean, the guy. Is that an insult to targets everywhere? Yes. Yeah. I mean, you would.
passes where it's like the ball didn't get past the line of scrimmage. I mean, weird, speaking of, weird tiny hand stuff. Targets. These hands. Speaking of targets, you go and you target T. Higgins right now because you're not getting Joe Burrow. Like you can go trade for Joe Burrow or whatever. You had a bad week one. Maybe two of a borough go. Yeah, sure. I mean, you can offer him, but I doubt you get Joe Burrow from a manager, but you can get T. Higgins. P. Higgins was someone you're always a little worried about. Now they didn't pay him. Now he comes out week one. And if you didn't realize he got eight targets and he just complete gooses, I would, I have no.
fears, zero fears of T. Higgins being bad this season. I agree with you. And the balls I saw were side where they were sideline throws in the rain way out of reach up the sideline. Mike Williams, big dud, four for 45. He'd missed a good chunk of that game. Tyler Lockett went out with a concussion, but that was pretty late. Mike Williams missed. I was shocked when he came back in that game, but he was gone for quite a while. DJ Moore had a 5% target share. Two targets, two for 25. What you do in Chicago? It won't work. Correct it. Marry Cooper, three for 37. He missed some of the game, too. Came out for a minute. And that was part of that rain ball game. I'd target him, too. Yeah, I don't mind that at all. I don't mind targeting him. That game was a mess weather-wise. Wouldn't target Christian Kirk. One for nine. Terry McLauran was just two for 31 coming off of the injury. The toe.
Drew a couple pass interference penalties. They don't show up in the stat sheet, deep shots from Howl. George Pickens, five for 36. He was grimacing, grumbling on the sideline yet again. Yeah, but he becomes more interesting as Deontay Johnson will be out a while. Hollywood Brown, three for 28. The Cardinals just, I mean, you don't want that offense. No. It was part of the early part of the offseason. We were like, okay, Hollywood Brown could probably get it done with Colt McCoy. And then you'll get back, Kyla. But then about three quarters of the way through the off season, we all threw up the red alert sign on all these options. Juju, four for 33, ball was distributed everywhere. He was also the third man up. Yeah. I mean, Kendrick Bourne had a huge day. I think Booty was playing in front of Juju. And Booty was one toe away from saving the day. They had a chance to win it. And then we talked about it. Dallas Goddard.
I mean, what do you do? Just forget about this game and move on with Goddard. You draft them to be your tight end every week. Yeah, you're going to keep starting him. Tightens have bad games, but this one was especially strange because the Eagles offense was really struggling. I told everyone start Blake Bell over Goddard. They couldn't find their rhythm against the Patriots. Something wasn't working. And the fact that they never went to Dallas Goddard when. What they were doing wasn't working, and he was out there running routes. I really didn't understand it. Well, it was, you know, it wasn't good for the tight-in position. George Kittall 3 for 19, Darren Waller, 3 for 36. Kyle Pitts 2 for 44. Isaiah likely, one for four, unlikely to be started again by anybody. He was one for four on like the second pass of the game. It was like the game starts. People are excited about Isaiah likely. They picked him up. They put him in their first, you know, second play. It's like, oh, yeah, he's totally involved.
Never again. Here's the glass half full perspective on the tight end position. You didn't get hurt. No. It don't matter who you played. No one was playing Hunter Henry against you. It hurts if you invested draft capital. Yes. That's where it hurts. Sure. But I mean, you didn't, at least the player that you invested draft capital for you weren't outmatched at the position. I had to pivot from Kelsey into Sam Leporta and he outscored Jake Ferguson, who should be in the duds. Six to two. That wasn't what defined our match, Jason. No. Jake Ferguson certainly is worth talking about. He had two total catches for 11 yards, but he did it on seven targets. So you've got this dichotomy where you're going well. Is he just not good? Because he was out there, the opportunity was there, the targets were there. He had a couple drops. Yeah, he had some ugly drops. Maybe he just isn't good enough. That is a legit outcome here where it's like he's, oh, he's.
You're talking about a school? Yeah, come together. Or, you could say. Or it's an opportunity. This is a really good guy to target. They didn't really need to throw the ball much as the game went on. He had seven targets was clearly involved in the office. So for me personally, I lean that direction. I'm not going to move on from Jake Ferguson. Yeah. I will. I lean that direction too because DAP will not throw for a hundred and something yards every week. But maybe he will because that defense, that defense is with something fierce, something impressive. You know, who does Dallas have next week? I'm sure we have that in here. It's a good question. Oh, the Jets. Okay. So I'm going to go sit them all down. That'll be really interesting. Another interesting thing we just talked about two different teams where we're saying, were the Cowboys defense that good?
Or was it that the Giants offense was that bad? And same with is the Cardinals offense actually good or was the Washington? The defense. Yeah, the defense that good or was the Washington offense that bad. And now so you got the bad giants and the questionable good Cardinals. And guess who play each other next week? The Giants and the Cardinals. Oh, yeah. We'll get an answer as to like, okay. Although if the Cardinals actually shut down the Giants. Is it both? Should I hit the almost subset already? No. No, all right. We are done with today's episode. We got the waiver show tomorrow. Do not miss it. Also, pick up our in-season app. Go to the app store or the Google Play Store. Type in the fantasy footballer. It's a free app. It's got news, start sit tool, rankings, all the free resources. Our podcasts. Yeah, the podcasts are in there. So it's new this year. Shout out to our dev team for getting that out in time for the season. We can name them by name. Computer Camp.
Thank you. Yeah, there we go. Look, there are no Ron's in there. Let's just put it that way. And leave us a five-star review if you enjoy the podcast. It helps us out a lot. That is it. We're done. Waiver show tomorrow. Don't miss it. It's going to be a fun one, hotly debated names. Goodbye. Goodbye. Thank you for listening to another episode of the Fantasy Footballers podcast. Join our fantasy football community on join thefoot.com. And follow us on Twitter. at the FF Ballers.